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读了本治愈忧郁的小书

张海露Eric 张海露Eric 2024-04-30

最近读了本小书:Matt Haig 的 Reasons to Stay Alive
之前读过他的 The Midnight Library,很好读,也很受鼓励。这本 Reasons to Stay Alive 讲抑郁症。Matt Haig 一开始就说没想到自己能活到今天,他希望用自己的经历帮助大家直面抑郁: 

全书 256 页,大部分章节都很短,用词也不难。整体像是日记碎碎念,有跟自己的对话,有清单罗列和心得分享。书名 Reasons to Stay Alive 是书中的一篇,从这篇可以一窥作者的风格和内容主题:

我很喜欢这样的风格,没什么教你做人的大道理,更多是和我们分享他的感受。我看书时记录了一些让我有触动的句子,也抄在这里,附上我的感受也分享给你。
1. 
Misery, like yoga, is not a competitive sport.

众生皆苦,不要比惨。书中还引用了加缪的这句话:But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.

2. 
You can be a depressive and be happy, just as you can be a sober alcoholic.

快乐和悲伤都只是一种情绪,并没有正负对错,都是提醒我们要了解自己、爱自己。书中还有一段话同样触动我这样的高敏体:You hate yourself. That is because you are sensitive. Pretty much every human could find a reason to hate themselves if they thought about it as much as you did. We’re all total bastards, us humans, but also totally wonderful.
3. 
…once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.
—Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
从小就听「不经历风雨怎能见彩虹」,现在觉得经历过风雨后见不见得到彩虹也不重要了——That's what this storm's all about.

4.
If, as Schopenhauer said, ‘we forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people’, then love – at its best – is a way to reclaim those lost parts of ourselves. That freedom we lost somewhere quite early in childhood. Maybe love is just about finding the person you can be your weird self with.

叔本华这句 We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people 太戳了。我们总说成长就是不断磨平棱角就是在不断的 forfeit pieces o f ourselves。罗素说 Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life,排在第一位的就是 the longing for love。
活着的最大意义是爱,爱让我们找回那个丢失的自己,那些丢失的信心、梦想、好奇、纯真......而有了那个更完整的自己,生活也就有了意义。之前读 The Road Less Traveled 时也有类似的感悟:


5.


And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on. ——Lord Byron, Childe Harold's Pilgrimage


6.


So what should we do? Talk. Listen. Encourge talking. Encourage listening...Where talk exists, so does hope.



人都会有不同程度抑郁,有时候它就发生在我们身上,你也说不清是什么原因。有时候你会感到自己的小世界风起云涌,而无人察觉,像作者说的:You are walking around with your head on fire and no one can see the flames. 如果你觉得「丧」,要告诉自己,这很正常,每个人都会这样的时刻。我们能做的就是锻炼身体、读书,最重要的是找个人聊聊。Talk. Listen. Encouring talk. Encouring listening.


7.


书中并没有明确给出 Reasons to Stay Alive 的标准答案,其中有一篇是收集了网友们的答案——活着的意义只能我们自己赋予,无法直接抄作业。



生活的每一天都是让我们感受、探索,可能人活这么一生就是为了找寻 reasons to stay alive,结果可能徒劳的、荒谬的,但重要的是这个过程,是每一刻当下的感受。如加缪在 The Myth of Sisyphus 中所说:Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night-filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.(网上的翻译版本:那岩石的每个细粒,那黑暗笼罩的大山每道矿物的光芒,都成了他一人世界的组成部分。攀登山顶的拼搏本身足以充实一颗人心。应当想像西西弗是幸福的)。


8.



这一篇就这么短,如诗般温暖。如何「自救」?爱、文字、音乐、冥想,加在一起一定能治愈一切。这本小书也是作者的自救方式。当我们愿意表达、有能力讲述,我们就可以触碰时间和存在。


这样看来,我们学英语也是一种自救,在另一种语言中感受更多表达方式,找到更多 reasons to stay alive


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